Monday, January 24, 2011

I Almost Gave Up

I almost gave up
. . . but then I didn’t.
I was about to wean my 4 month old baby. It wasn’t that I was emotionally ready - I was drying up. I was frustrated and tired and I was constantly trying to breastfeed, pump, wash bottles, and care for two babies under two years of age - all while being a SAHM, part time hairdresser, and starting my own business. I was exhausted.
I went back and forth debating on whether I wanted to try the supplements or power pumping, or a nursing vacation to get my supply up . . . or just let it go. I had a few months worth of frozen milk. My daughter could make it to 7 months or so on what was stored. In the research process I stumbled across some wonderful breastfeeding blogs. And it hit me, I didn’t WANT to stop breastfeeding, it was just too hard to maintain. Why is it so hard? Because I let it be. I fell into the ‘boobytraps.’
I was unaware of my rights to breastfeed in public, so I carried expressed milk every time we went anywhere. I couldn’t keep up with my pump schedule when we went anywhere because, let’s face it, who is really going to stop halfway through the zoo and lug kids and all of your stuff back to the car every three hours for a fifteen minute pumping session? If I ever did attempt to nurse in a public area (with a cover, mind you) I felt like I was doing something wrong and was paranoid that any minute someone would say something to me. Not to mention all the stares. Even when friends or family were over at my house I’d pump and feed because I didn’t want to make them uncomfortable (I’m not at ALL modest so it wasn’t about my comfort.)
I’m over it. I’m so glad I persisted instead of giving up. I’m so glad I found this treasure trove of wonderful women who advocate for nursing mothers. Breastfeeding is a wonderful, natural, special thing. I cannot believe that I almost missed out because our society is so misinformed and backwards. I hope that soon all of the issues we breastfeeding mothers deal with today are gone and a new mother will feel comfortable feeding her baby any way she wants anywhere she wants without worrying about anything. Ladies, enjoy that sweet gift from God nursing at your breast for as long as you want, it’ll be over all too soon.
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Bonnie is a married 25 year old SAHM to two beautiful girls ages 2 and 6 months. She is also a part time hairdresser and small business owner. You can find her creations at boutiques in Alabama and online at Bonnie's Bows.


Photo credit: Author

4 comments:

Glad that you found the resources you needed before giving up before you were ready! :D Honestly, ever since my son was 10 months old I've debated my readiness to wean every four months or so -- and every time it's clear that he's not ready to stop nursing -- and most days, I'm not quite there either.

That said, there are still days where I just wish it were done.

Thanks for sharing! :D

Beautiful. And a good point, too: Where and when a mom nurses should depend on her and her baby's comfort, no one else's.

Great read and glad you didn't give up! Honestly, I always wonder how women manage to exclusively pump. I've brought expressed milk to feed in public and it's always more trouble than it's worth. Plus we're setting a good example every time we let people see us feeding straight from the boob! Personally, I don't like bottle feeding because I am PROUD to breast feed and I'm afraid people will just assume it's formula!

This is a great story to show the importance of nursing wherever you may be when the need arises.

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