What is the law in your state?

The states in the US vary widely in the implementation of laws that protect a breastfeeding mother and baby...

Breastfeeding gift ideas for an expecting mom

A reader asks: I am attending a baby shower for a friend. I'd like to get her something that will help make her breastfeeding experience more comfortable. What should I buy?

The sole requirement for NIP

During my pregnancy with my youngest son, one of the parts of motherhood that I looked most forward to was nursing. ...

International and Religious views of NIP

Think nursing in public is only a concern in the United States? If so, is it our religious roots that has instilled our country's prudish (and misguided) desire for "discretion"?

Where are our breastfeeding role models?

I saw a woman breastfeeding her three month old son while walking around the busy farmer's market yesterday morning...

Showing posts with label World Breastfeeding Week. Show all posts
Showing posts with label World Breastfeeding Week. Show all posts

Friday, August 6, 2010

The Joys of Breastfeeding Past Infancy #17

The Joys of Breastfeeding Past Infancy series (formerly "the joys of breastfeeding toddlers") is normally hosted Fridays at Code Name: Mama. We are happy to feature it today on NursingFreedom.org as part of our celebration of World Breastfeeding Week. Today's post was written by Dionna of Code Name: Mama; the video was edited by CodeNamePapa. Here is her breastfeeding guest post:
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When the subject of nursing past infancy comes up, a common question we mothers who nurse past one year hear is “But why? What’s the point? What good does it really do?

If you asked my son, he would tell you quite simply that mama’s milk is love. (keep reading below the video for more)


Mama’s milk has been a large part of my son’s 32 months on this Earth. He has grown from a round-the-clock nursing infant to a frequently nursing toddler, and he’s on his way to being a pretty-darn-often breastfeeding preschooler. The fact that the calendar ticked over to reflect my son’s first or second birthdays; the fact that he grew teeth; the fact that he can “ask for it”; none of these things matter to my child who is still so dependent on me.

To my son, breastfeeding is just part of life. The comfort of my breast has evolved from the immediate pacification it offered when he was a small newborn, to the secure home base that he needed when he discovered his independence. Mama’s milk is our ever present connection. It is a source of love, laughter, and learning.

Breastfeeding: It's Elementary

Yes, it is a source of learning! Breastfeeding has been the foundation of many educational pursuits. From my personal journal, here are a few examples (by subject) of how breastfeeding has nourished my son’s brain as well as our relationship:
  • Anatomy (19 months): “One, two, two mama milk! TWO! Two mama milk!!”
  • Sociology (20 months): While we were eating at a restaurant one night, a nearby toddler fell out of her chair and landed on the floor. She wailed for at least five minutes, and Kieran became very concerned. As the little girl continued to wail, Kieran’s concern brimmed over. He said urgently, “mama milk! Mama milk!” I asked if he wanted mama’s milk and he pointed at the girl, lifted my shirt, and said, “baby mama milk, baby mama milk!” He wanted to give the hurt toddler some of his own mama’s milk to help her feel better. 
  • Physical Education (22 months): Dancing across the living room floor, I held and spun Kieran to a random rock & roll tune. Laughing, he implored, “mama milk dance!”
  • Geography (26 months): Kieran woke up from his nap, grinned at me, and said “party at mama milk!”
  • Psychology (28 months): on our noon drive home from a co-op class, Kieran was incredibly tired and crying inconsolably. I said “I know you’re sleepy honey, we’ll be home soon.” Kieran replied through his tears, “I not sleepy, I just need some mama milk!”
  • Law/Negotiation (29 months): Kieran has learned the fine art of negotiation. Whenever it is time to leave somewhere, I start giving him warnings: “two minutes until we have to go!” He usually comes back with “no mama, four minutes!” And then we compromise on three. Breastfeeding is no exception: when Kieran nurses and I am ready to get up and do something else, I’ll give him the standard “two minutes!” warning. To which he inevitably replies, “four! Four minutes of mama milk!” 
  • Physics (31 months): Kieran put our water bottle lid on my breast & sucked, then asked "why there no mama's milk coming out?!" 
Nursing Kieran at 27 months
Aside from the educational life lessons our children can learn at our breasts, nursing past infancy is simply beautiful. It is natural, it is nurturing, it is normal.

Less than 20% of mothers breastfeed past their child’s first year of life. That means less than one in five mothers will ever hear her child’s sweet voice coo “I love mama’s milk.” Less than one in five mothers will see her child run toward her with arms outstretched and a breathtaking smile of anticipation, intent on a snuggle at mama’s comforting breast.

I know that my son would love me without my breastmilk. I know that he would think that I was a soft place to land, a welcoming place to snuggle, a safe place to turn. But I also know, without a doubt, that mama’s milk has enriched that soft, comforting, sweet bond between us immeasurably.

Breastfeeding is the first building block of life. It is so simple. It is truly elementary.

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Breastfeeding past infancy is full of laughter, joys, and heartbreaking tenderness. I am publishing a series of posts dedicated to the beauty of nursing past infancy in an effort to normalize this healthy and beneficial nursing relationship. But this isn’t just about me – I want to hear YOUR joys. If you are nursing a toddler, preschooler, or beyond (or have in the past), please contact me and tell me about your favorite moments. I will include them in the series and credit you, your site, or post it anonymously if you so desire.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Don't Muddy Your Milk: Shame, Valour, and Breastfeeding

Betsy
I was driving to my parent's summer cabin with my newborn baby boy (breastfed) and my preschooler (also still breastfeeding) when I had this conversation:

"You know how you like to have boobies, Sweetheart?
"Yes."
"Well, Mommy is happy to give you booby milk but here's an idea I have. Let's make up a special word for it that nobody but us knows. A special, secret word, like . . . "yum yum!" So if you want booby milk, you ask Mommy for "yum yum." And if Mommy says, "Yes, yum yum!" then we'll go someplace quiet together where it will be just you and Mommy. And if Mommy says, "No, not now," you'll just have to wait a little bit. But you'll be able to have yum yum later. Good idea?"
"Good!"
"Good. But let's not have yum yums in front of Grandpa and Grandma, okay? Let's just make it a super special secret thing that just you and me know about."
"And Daddy."
"Yes, and Daddy knows about it."
"Yum yums in the car!"
"No. Not in the car. Yum yums later."
"Okay, Mommy."

How very reasonable. What a civilized agreement. What a super-clever Mommy, I, to think up such reasonable, civilized things and to communicate them so rationally to my very rational two year old daughter.

When we arrived at Grandma and Grandpa's my newborn was hungry. I nursed him right away in the nearest armchair, the cozy one in front of the big picture window with the view of slender, silver-barked aspens trembling in the wind off the lake. Grandma remarked how much our baby had grown in the past weeks and on his sweetness. Then another conversation with my daughter began while the baby drank and my parents looked on in horror:

"Mommy?"
"Yes?"
"Yum yums now."
"No, Sweetie. Yum yums soon. But not now. Yum yums later."
"Yum yums, NOW, Mommy."
"No, Sweetie. Not now. Later."
"Mommy! [Eyes narrowed, hands on hips, feet planted squarely on the ground.] You give me boobies RIGHT NOW. Or ELSE, Mommy!"
"I said no. Later."
"Mommy, you put that baby down and give me boobies NOW."
Then her little foot stamped three times on the carpet and she started to kick-drag it behind her like an enraged buffalo threatening to charge. Summoning the super-shrieky-shrill power particular to two-year old girls, she blared:

"MOMMY! YOU PUT DOWN THAT BABY AND YOU LIFT UP YOUR SHIRT RIGHT NOW AND YOU GIVE ME YOUR BOOBIES! I SAID RIGHT NOW, OR ELSE, MOMMY!"

I shook my head no.

"I will not," I said sadly.

Then there wasn't much I could do as she hollered and flailed and screamed and shouted and bounced, quite literally, off the walls in rage and frustration.

It was an intense moment in breastfeeding.

I was mortified. And I was heartbroken. What was I thinking asking a two-year old to keep a secret? How did I dream that she wouldn't see right through me and know that I was ashamed to be nursing her (at two and a half) but I wasn't ashamed to be nursing our new baby.

It's hard bringing a baby into a home with siblings. It's painful to know you are wreaking havoc in the life you devote so much energy into making pleasant, familiar, healthy, and safe for your firstborn. It's heart-wrenching to see your beloved daughter in such pain because you selfishly decided that she wasn't enough, even though she's already filled up you heart a thousand times over with more love than you could ever have believed possible.

Betsy 2
Now that girl and her brother play like puppies and they love each other madly. In retrospect it's so easy to comprehend what a gift a sibling is. But, in that post-natal haze of tender hormones and raw newiness, one wonders, "Have I ruined everything?"

Here's the thing:

I was ashamed. I didn't know a single other person who had tandem nursed or nursed through a pregnancy. And while it all came very natural and easy physically -- I simply faced none of the common roadblocks that many women do -- I felt kind of like a freak.

Kids have a preternatural ability to sense these sorts of things.

That was almost two years ago and my daughter is weaned now. But I still remember that awful tantrum and my sense that I'd betrayed her. Not because I didn't comply with her tyrannical demands -- I shudder to think of what kind of example I'd set if I responded to, "YOU LIFT UP YOUR SHIRT RIGHT NOW OR ELSE!". But I do feel I betrayed her by sullying our nursing relationship. I did that when by giving a damn what a third party (Grandma and Grandpa) thought. I complicated our nursing relationship by including people in it who didn't belong.

A nursing relationship should be between a mother and her child. Period.


I have been nursing for four-and-a-half years now. I have three children. My four year old is weaned and the youngest (my baby is eight months-old and our boy just turned two) are happily nursing. Tandem nursing has worked out great for us. It really did ease those tough transitions of bringing more babies into our family by telling my older babies, in the most literal possible way, there is enough for both of you.

My best advice, as an old nursing pro who has run the gamut, is make your nursing relationship about you and your child. Nobody else's feelings, opinions, hang-ups, etc. are really that relevant.

I know, it’s not so simple. We are products of our culture, we are cultured people, and we cannot and should not live in isolation from our culture. And if someone you really care about and respect – your husband or your mother, say, are pressuring you to feel ashamed of your nursing relationship, that puts you in an awful spot. But that's my best advice -- what it all boils down to: make your nursing relationship between you and your baby.

It turns out Grandma and Grandpa didn't point a finger at me and call me a freak for tandem nursing. Nobody has. Not to my face, anyway. In fact, in my almost five years of nursing I haven't really gotten any flak. I've nursed lots of places (restaurants, airplanes, parks, parties, grocery stores, Unesco World Heritage Sites, wherever) and I think I've received more, "Oh, wow, have you been nursing this whole time? I didn't even notice!" comments than anything else. It's not that I have any special techniques for nursing discreetly -- I just do what I've got to do.

If I need to nurse right here, right now, I'll do it. If I need to go someplace quiet, I'll find someplace quiet. I do what feels right for me and the baby. Or the toddler. Or the preschooler.

I wasn't always so bold. I started out as doubtful, sore, weepy, and self-conscious as any new breastfeeding mom. I had to learn not to be ashamed of breastfeeding. And then, as my nursling became a toddler and then a big sister, there it was -- the shame had crept back.

If I could go back in time and tell that Mommy driving to her parent's cabin with her newborn and her nursing toddler what I know now it would be this:

1) Don't ask a child to keep a secret. It's stresses them out. Bad, bad idea.

2) Don't be ashamed. Shame is not helpful. It is not necessary. Breastfeeding is a wholesome thing. Shame just muddies the milk. Don't muddy your baby's or your toddler's or your preschooler's milk with shame.

3) When she is ready to wean, it will be easy. Don't worry. She will wean one day and you will know the time is right.

4) You are your biggest breastfeeding critic. No one else really cares that much. So stop criticizing yourself. You are awesome. You are doing a great job.

5) When it comes to breastfeeding, discretion is not the better part of valour. Valour is the better part of valour. Breastfeed, always, with valour.

Love,
Honest2Betsy
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We are honored to post this guest post today by Betsy. Betsy lives way up in the snow where she does it polar bear style. For way too much info, visit her blog, Honest2Betsy.

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Support World Breastfeeding Week - August 1-7, 2010

Print materials from the World Breastfeeding Week website and ask your local OB/GYN, hospital, or Women's Clinic to post them.


WBW 2010 Posters


WBW 2010 Action Folders


WBW 2010 Towards a Baby-Friendly World Pledge

Complete the Pledge Form and we will put a "Baby-Step" on the world map based on your location.
Let us all work towards making this world a Baby-Friendly World!
(View pledges)



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